4 Years

Four years is a long time, but sometimes I feel like it was just a moment ago. Four years ago my family lost our mom to cancer. I can’t believe it has been that long! I miss her everyday and wish she was still here to talk to and get advice from. I especially wish we could encourage one another in our faiths since I wasn’t following Christ too closely while she was around, while she was a spiritual warrior, and so I didn’t get to experience sharing that with her.

Even though I miss her so much, I know she is up in Heaven with Christ and I know I will see her there when my time comes. God has a perfect plan, and while I don’t believe he WANTS bad things to happen in this world, they do as a result of our fallen world. But I do believe that he can use all things for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28) and he has proven Himself faithful in the past four years. My relationship with my Dad became closer than ever and our family pulled together. Most importantly, it also sparked my desire to have my own relationship with Christ instead of riding on my mom’s coat tails, since I couldn’t do that anymore. Also, my now husband, then boyfriend, and I were going through a rough time and we were able to re-evaluate our priorities. It took me a while to really grieve too, because for a while I was kind of in shock, it felt really surreal, like in a few months she would be back with us. Most days are good now, but some days, not even necessarily significant days like her birthday or this anniversary or mother’s day, are really emotional. I don’t think those types of days will ever stop happening, and I’m okay with that. Sometimes a good cry is necessary.

My life has changed quite a bit since my Mom was here. I graduated college, married my best friend (I’m thankful we were high school sweethearts because my husband was able to meet my mom!), and moved to Colorado away from my family in Kansas. It blows my mind how fast time flies. My dad is dating a wonderful woman now, and I’m thankful for the opportunity to get to know her now and that she keeps my dad from being lonely 🙂

Loss has a way of making you more grateful. Don’t take life or your loved ones for granted! And allow hard trials to strengthen you instead of break you. Lean on God, He is always faithful. This post is a tribute to my mom and the impact she had on my life. People say I look like her, and that couldn’t be a better compliment. She was a beautiful woman inside and out! So thankful for the time I had with her and the impact she had on our family. Miss you mom!

5 thoughts on “4 Years

  1. Jenna,
    I think about your mom a lot, and this is beautifully written, Jenna. She loved all of you kids so, so much, and it was a privilege to pray together with your mom while you were in high school. She taught me alot about prayer, and trusting God in the midst of the broken world we live in. You have a wonderful legacy of faith as her daughter, and I know she is smiling and rejoicing in Heaven for your walk with Jesus now (remember the “great crowd of witnesses”? 🙂 I love your blog, Jenna. I look forward to reading it each time.
    Love you!
    Shari Blue

    • Emily- Thanks! Your encouragement means a lot. I’m thankful for your friendship and that you were there with me 4 years ago as this was happening 🙂

      Shari- Thank you so much for the comment! It is so much fun for me to find out who reads my blog 🙂 I’m glad you like to read it…i have really enjoyed writing it! I love hearing about my mom’s life with her friends. I feel like I was just starting to get to know her on a deeper level–like an adult friendship–and I wish that could have continued. Hope all is well in the Blue family!

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